Sooooo….my husband gets this magazine that he just loves, Best Life -What Matters to Men.
I saw it sitting on the dining room table and I leafed through the pages and saw this article by author Anne Trubek. Fully Bonded – Improve intimacy so that your marriage can survive the long haul.
Here we have Clinical Psychologist and Certified Sex Therapist, David Schnarch, PhD, ( I am not sure if I want to trust a sex therapist, certified ot otherwise, whose last name is ‘Schnarch”). Schnarch is the author of Sex, Love and Intimacy in Emotionally Committed Relationships. Schnarch says, “Eye contact is absolutely essential to maintaining intimacy in a relationship, even during sex.”
What??? I am too busy with my eyes slammed shut to be looking at him! I’ll admit that sometimes I take a peek at my husband during this, the most intimate of times, and maybe once or twice in a about 30 years have we ever made any type of prolonged eye contact during, uh, you know, the ‘hippity dippity’. I don’t know about you, but, I am just not so sure.
Do you have to have an intimate gaze at that time? I mean, do real live people even look at each other, or is it just me that is so busy enjoying myself that I don’t like to open my eyes as I can see the messy bedroom, the picture of the kids, the dog looking at me (no I am kidding, LOL) etc…. How about you? Do you have eye contact during sex?
Here are other ways to improve intimacy according to Trubek;
Lock Lips, kissing releases oxytocin which in return decreases stress and makes us feel bonded.
Make Small Connections, everyday we have the opportunity to do small things that show that we care, cuddling, calling during the day and being happy to see each other with a kiss or more when you greet each other.
Open your Eyes, again Snarch says, “Eye contact usually denotes connection and sex without eye contact and the lights on (regularly?) limits your intimacy.
Fight it Out, Conflict creates passion. The absence of fighting is NOT intimacy. When you vent your frustration make sure that you are planning something afterwards that will produce endorphins and help you reconnect. My advice to this is to make sure that you fight fair! No put downs and no rudeness. Don’t say something that you would not want said to you. (easier said than done I know)