Saturday, September 20, 2008

Sooooo….my husband gets this magazine that he just loves, Best Life -What Matters to Men.

I saw it sitting on the dining room table and I leafed through the pages and saw this article by author Anne Trubek. Fully Bonded – Improve intimacy so that your marriage can survive the long haul.

Here we have Clinical Psychologist and Certified Sex Therapist, David Schnarch, PhD, ( I am not sure if I want to trust a sex therapist, certified ot otherwise, whose last name is ‘Schnarch”). Schnarch is the author of Sex, Love and Intimacy in Emotionally Committed Relationships. Schnarch says, “Eye contact is absolutely essential to maintaining intimacy in a relationship, even during sex.”

What??? I am too busy with my eyes slammed shut to be looking at him! I’ll admit that sometimes I take a peek at my husband during this, the most intimate of times, and maybe once or twice in a about 30 years have we ever made any type of prolonged eye contact during, uh, you know, the ‘hippity dippity’. I don’t know about you, but, I am just not so sure.

Do you have to have an intimate gaze at that time? I mean, do real live people even look at each other, or is it just me that is so busy enjoying myself that I don’t like to open my eyes as I can see the messy bedroom, the picture of the kids, the dog looking at me (no I am kidding, LOL) etc…. How about you? Do you have eye contact during sex?

Here are other ways to improve intimacy according to Trubek;

Lock Lips, kissing releases oxytocin which in return decreases stress and makes us feel bonded.

Make Small Connections, everyday we have the opportunity to do small things that show that we care, cuddling, calling during the day and being happy to see each other with a kiss or more when you greet each other.

Open your Eyes, again Snarch says, “Eye contact usually denotes connection and sex without eye contact and the lights on (regularly?) limits your intimacy.

Fight it Out, Conflict creates passion. The absence of fighting is NOT intimacy. When you vent your frustration make sure that you are planning something afterwards that will produce endorphins and help you reconnect. My advice to this is to make sure that you fight fair! No put downs and no rudeness. Don’t say something that you would not want said to you. (easier said than done I know)

Thursday, September 18, 2008

the pain is great sometimes.....

I cant bear to go to the doors, because when I leave I am forced to look….I am forced as a moth to the flame…are his scratchings still there? His joy and his pride still evident in the rock? I cant bear it. I am overcome with a grief still that is debilitating at times.

Tuffy’s first words, were ‘UVSC HOCKEY’ scratched in that rock as he waited for me to finish in a meeting, at the student center, he was so proud and I always look and my heart breaks. It was what he knew. He loved to be a part of it and he was as proud as his momma and poppa were. It is all over now and he doesn’t understand, where are the guys that were his friends? Where are the halo players and the trips and the games?

I am grieving too, still, I can’t seem to help myself. The pain sometimes is raw and fresh….

Monday, September 15, 2008

ok, ok, it is time for a little bit of lightening up...Apples and Wine

Apples and Wine

Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree.

Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just take the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy.......

The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing.. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

Now Men....Men are like a fine wine. They begin as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

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